


Gavin's Song

by LKKG



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Based off a song, Dealing With Loss, don't worry folks, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26408794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LKKG/pseuds/LKKG
Summary: "I wish I could be there but I can't."
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

Gon was awakened by knocking on the front door. He was several rooms away, but he was a light sleeper and his ears had always been sharp. He groggily made his way out of bed and downstairs, rubbing at his eyes. It might be Dad, after all. Gon knew how much Dad liked when he came to greet him when he came home late from a trip, even if he and Papa were always quick to chide him for being up late.  
  
However, even from down the hall it was clear it wasn't Dad at the door, but instead Uncle Maizai.  
  
"Tell me he's okay," Papa was saying, his voice landing strangely on Gon's ears. "Dammit Maizai, tell me he's okay."  
  
Gon's uncle said nothing, just held out a flash drive.  
  
Papa took it, and it looked like his hands were shaking. That was weird because Papa's hands never shook, not even when he had to pull out his own splinters, and Dad had said that surgeons always had steady hands.  
  
"I-" Papa stammered. "Come in. Please."  
  
Uncle Maizai did, resting his hand on Papa's arm for a moment as he passed. He headed towards the kitchen while Papa crossed the living room to his laptop. Maizai returned with two glasses with brown liquid in them. Going off the smell, it was some kind of alcohol, like Dad and Papa had on special occations. Gon wrinkled his nose.  
  
Uncle Maizai spotted him. "Hey," he said gently. "We didn't mean to wake you."  
  
Gon shrugged.  
  
The adults shared a look, one Gon didn't understand, but both of them looked upset. Finally, Papa sighed. "Come here, sweetheart," he said, gesturing for Gon to join him on the couch.  
  
Gon clamboured up, because he was a big boy now and big boys didn't need help getting onto the couch. Once there, Papa wrapped his arm around him, pulling him onto his lap, then inserted the flash drive.  
  
There was only one thing on it. A video, by the looks of it, named "For My Boys." Gon read it slowly. He was a good reader now. Dad and Papa always said so.  
  
Maizai sat beside them and handed Papa one of the glasses, which Papa downed in three swallows before he reached out and started the video.  
  
It loaded quickly, revealing Dad in an unfamiliar room, sitting at a piano and smiling at the camera.  
  
"Hi, honey," he said, giving the camera a little wave. "I bet Gon and Maizai are with you too, but if they aren't, pause this and start it again when they are." He was silent for a moment, then continued. "Firstly, Maizai, you're probably hoping that this will contain some sort of message or something, but it doesn't. Sorry, I know how much you love a good code."  
  
"Secondly, Leorio, my love, I left you a letter in my box. Read it whenever you're ready and remember what we've talked about."  
  
"And lastly, Gon, my sweet boy, I wrote another song for you. I hope it will give you something nice to look back on in the future."  
  
Dad cleared his throat, and shifted his fingers to the keys, beginning a soft, quiet, simple melody.  
  
"I wish you freedom, I wish you peace. I wish you nights of stars that beckon you to sleep. I wish you heartache that leaves you more a man. I wish I could be there..." his voice broke slightly, "but I can't."  
  
Papa's breath caught, but Gon kept watching, confused.  
  
"I wish you places," Dad continued. "That sit so still. Where people never, ever change; never, ever will. I wish I could hold you and make you understand. I wish I could be there, but I can't.  
  
"Be good for your Papa, 'cause he'll need a hand to hold," a tiny smile crept over Dad's face. "Boy, he loves you, more than you'll ever know. There are rhymes and there are reasons, and times when nothing stays the same, but you'll know my love still remains."  
  
Papa was crying. Gon could feel his sobs. He could see tears trailing down Maizai's face too.  
  
"I wish you wisdom, I wish you years. I wish you armies to conquer all your fears. I wish you courage for all that life demands. I wish I could be there... but I can't.  
  
"Be good for your Papa, 'cause he'll need a hand to hold. Boy, he loves you more than you'll ever know. There are rhymes and there are reasons, and times where nothing stays the same, but you'll know my love still remains."  
  
He paused for a moment, and his voice was soft when he began again. "I wish we were together. I wish I was home. I wish there were nights where I was never alone. I know I've said it, but I'll say it once again... I wish I could be there... but I can't."  
  
The last notes trailed away into silence as Dad looked back up at the camera. "I love you. I'm sorry. Goodbye."  
  
And the video ended.  
  
Gon found Papa's hand and slipped his own around his finger, looking up at him. "Dad's not coming home, is he," he said.  
  
Papa shook his head, still sobbing.  
  
Gon pressed against his chest, letting Papa cry into his hair and rock him and hold him tightly. It was strange to think that Dad would never again come through the door, never again bring him little trinkets from far away places, never again press coffee-scented kisses to his forehead and nose and cheeks and chin.  
  
Death, Gon decided, was a very strange thing.

Gon had been six at the time. Even at twice that age, he still didn't totally understand all of what had happened to his dad. No one had ever been completely honest about what his dad did or how and why he had died, or even where, but Gon knew it had something to do with his work with the government, and that his dad's body had never been recovered.  
  
Papa had never recovered either, not really. They had talked a lot over the years, about Dad and about his death.  
  
"I always knew that there might come a day when he wouldn't come back," Papa had said once. "He never kept that secret. We had talked about it a lot, about what I should do once he was gone. But... it still... I don't think I ever could have been ready for it.  
  
"I guess I hoped that after you came into our lives," he's said another time. "That maybe he would be more careful. He adored you, completely, heart and soul."  
  
Gon knew that. He always had. He listened, often, to the songs his dad had written him, especially the last.  
  
He and Papa had made a little shrine to him in the livingroom, with candles and a handful of photos and Gon kept all of the gifts his dad had given him on a shelf in his room where he could look at them all the time. They still celebrated Dad's birthday and father's day and every year on the anniverary of the day he died they took the day off and visited his favourite spot at the nearby lake.  
  
Papa still talked to Dad sometimes, when he thought no one could hear him. Gon wrote Dad letters, so he understood.  
  
Still, he considered himself to be very lucky. While he had lost both his biological father and Dad, he still had Papa and Uncle Maizai and Uncle Zep and Uncle Kite and Abe and Aunt Mito and Aunt Mel and Aunt Bisky and even Dr. Cheadle, though she didn't like being called his aunt. Most kids were lucky to have two parents, but Gon had lots. There was always someone free to pick him up from school, and he never had to be alone unless he wanted to. He always had someone to talk to when he felt sad. Uncle Zep joked how it really did take a village to raise a child. Some of the kids at school had made fun of him when he'd made his papa cards on Mother's day or when a different person picked him up everyday, but he ignored them. Maybe his family wasn't normal, but it was better this way. His projects for school were always better than everyone else's, for one, and he always knew who could help him with his homework.  
  
Then he met Killua, who didn't seem to have any parents. Well, he had a mother and a father, but they didn't meet Gon's definition of a parent. The kids at school had picked on Killua too, at first, but after he bloodied a kid's nose, they had backed off.  
  
Gon had tried to befriend him immediately, like he did everyone. He liked making new friends, and he was good at it. However, Killua hadn't seemed particularly receptive to his efforts, and Gon knew better than to push it. But after Killua got in trouble for beating up the kid bullying him, Gon was the only one who would sit with him in class or at lunch, and eventually Killua stopped trying to avoid him.  
  
Gon had Killua over as often as Killua would come. Papa didn't mind. He liked Killua, not that he'd ever say it aloud. And Killua liked Papa too, Gon could tell. The three of them ate dinner together almost every night, and Killua stayed over three or four nights a week.  
  
Killua asked about Dad sometimes, and about Ging. He was always so careful when he brought them up, like he was afraid they would be angry with him, but Papa was always grateful for an excuse to shower praises on Dad and curses on Ging, and Gon didn't mind either way. Sometimes Gon would let him read his letters to Dad and he had given Killua his stuffed dragon to sleep with at night, not that Killua would ever admit he slept with a stuffy. Dad had given him the dragon before he had left for his first trip because Gon had been inconsolable, thinking Dad was leaving for good. Dad had always promised that the dragon would always watch over the person who slept with it, and Gon thougth that maybe Killua needed it more than he did now. He knew Dad would like that.


	2. Chapter 2

Papa liked to take Killua and him to fun places sometimes on weekends. Escape rooms, amusement parks, the movies, bowling, camping. Anything they wanted to do. Sometimes Killua's younger siblings came too when their parents let them.  
  
One night, the three of them went to theatre. Gon liked Shakespeare, though he didn't always know what they were saying, but Killua and Papa would always fill him in during intermission if he didn't follow along. They always went out to eat before, and got ice cream after at a little place nearby that served huge amounts of ice cream for a very good price, and sometimes they gave Gon and Killua extra toppings or an extra scoop because they liked them.  
  
They were walking home, licking the last of the ice cream off their fingers when Gon paused and sniffed. A half forgotten scent tickled his nose and he set off running towards home. He barely heard Papa calling out to him he was so focused on tracking the scent.  
  
Because it smelled like Dad. Not like his favourite cologne, which Papa kept a bottle of in the bathroom, just where Dad used to leave it so the two of them could sniff it whenever they wanted. Not even like coffee, which was just as intensely tied to him in Gon's memory. No, it smelled like Dad when he would turn up in the middle of the night and Papa would wisk him into the bathroom and then into bed before they let Gon see him. When he smelled like blood and metal.  
  
Gon skidded to a stop in front of the porch, falling to his knees. Papa was at his side in a moment, crying out Dad's name as he gathered the limp form in his arms, fingers frantically searching for a pulse like the fantastic ER doctor he was.  
  
Gon, however, had no such training, and sat stunned as Papa carried Dad inside and called Uncle Maizai's emergency number. He only moved when Killua took his hand to lead him in as well.

Gon didn't remember much else from that night, only the waiting. Uncle Maizai had sent a special amubulence to take them all to a special part of a hospital where no one would see them. He remembered Papa pacing in the waiting room, occasionally stopping to pull Gon into a bonebreaking hug. Gon was never sure which one of them he was trying to reassure. Killua never budged from Gon's side, and never let go of his hand even once, snarling at anyone who came too close or questioned his presence. Papa had quickly shut those people up, saying that Killua was a part of his family and therefore part of Dad's and that he had every right to be there. When they finally moved Dad out of the operating room and let them see him, Papa had insisted that Gon and Killua go in first, so he could talk to the surgeons.  
  
Dad looked terrible. His face was gaunt and pale, his hair, once a point of vanity for him, was cut raggedly short. He was on oxygen, and the arm with the IV in it was nearly skeletal, and Gon could tell the rest of him was too. Gon didn't want to touch him for fear that he would disintegrate on impact, so instead he sat down on the little couch near the bed, leaning heavily on Killua's shoulder when he sat down beside him, pressed against his side.  
  
Gon didn't remember falling asleep, but he woke back up when Papa came in, collapsing heavily into the chair beside the bed, running his knuckles gently across Dad's cheek, then kissing his forehead. He laced his fingers with Dad's and pressed his lips to the back of Dad's hand. Then Gon fell asleep again.

**Author's Note:**

> Would y'all be down for a dark fantasy fiction cause I've been working on one and idk if I should post it. How do we feel about big wolf puppers?


End file.
